Decisions

In my previous post I talked about being at a Crossroad and needing to make a decision. A decision that will change the course of my life. . . forever. Does that sound scary? It is. This was a decision that requires me to dig into the deepest crevices of my being and face the fear that kept me from pursuing my dream . . . to be a published author. Isn’t that every writer’s dream? Of course it is, so why did the thought of it terrify me so? I thought long and hard about it. I came up with several possibilities, and seemingly good excuses, to rationalize why I hadn’t fulfilled my dream. What was even worse. . . was at one point I was so close to it, I could taste it and I walked away. Who in their right mind would ever do that? Me, that’s who! And  was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life.  You see that’s the problem with fear, it’s  causes you to do things  you wouldn’t normally do: like sabotage a conversation with an agent who is interested in your work. That one happened at a writer’s conference. I felt so stupid afterwards I couldn’t even look at her.  You’d  think after a couple major mishaps like that, I’d get my act together, but no.. I crawled back in my shell and stayed there for the next  few years.

After several years of not writing, I was felt depressed, useless and bored. What I needed was a slap of reality and hopefully it wouldn’t hit too hard.  The help I needed came in the most unexpected way, and delivered a kind and loving slap of reality which finally got me back on track and writing again. But that was only the beginning.  I had a lot of decisions and  schedule adjustments to work out in order to be able to commit myself to writing full time.  One of the things I did was  set specific days and time for writing, sometimes I write at home, other times I go to the Library, the key is to stick to the schedule.  Although, I just started following a schedule, I’ve already noticed  improvement in the quality of my writing and I’m getting more done in a shorter period of time.   Something I should have done years ago, but never did!   But, now that I have, I’m going to stick with it and I hope you’ll join me as I share the struggles and joys of being  writer.   I ‘d love to hear from you.
J. Wallace

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